April 2016 Newsletter

Lessons from Miraval in Tucson's Sonoran Desert

When video cameras became available to the mass market in the early 80's I was showing horses. Those first cameras were pretty heavy. My Dad videotaped every class I rode in and many of my practice sessions. At home or at a horse show when I was practicing, I would stop, my dad would rewind the camera, set it on his shoulder, and I would sit on the horse and watch what he had just taped, in almost real time.

In my experience at Miraval, the horse was almost like my dad taping me - but even timelier. As fast as I would try to watch the video, it was not real time. When a horse doesn't do what you want, it is in real time. The horse is both an honest mirror and a real time video for you to learn. By the way, I imagine my dad was grateful that it didn't take too long for video cameras to get lighter and lighter.

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1. The Overall Experience

About 7 years ago I developed my horse program that I named HorseTalk: Lessons in Leadership. I was using horse analogies in my one-on-one coaching with clients. I saw and heard the value that horses have as an honest mirror to people's communication and leadership skills. As I developed the program I was like a blindfolded person. I thought I was going in the right direction but I did not have a map. Miraval in Tucson's Sonoran Desert has had an equine experience for about 20 years. I have wanted to participate for the last few years. I finally did.

Lesson Learned: I wanted to experience a horse experience as a participant not as the leader. So I blocked off four days and flew 2000 miles so that I could better facilitate participants at my HorseTalk. My goal was to make HorseTalk even more valuable to participants and more attractive for people to sign up. And then I thought that it could also help me be more effective as a coach. On day three I realized, what if it just made me a better person? Do you have goals for your professional development?

2. What is Your Fault?

The Equine Experience is Miraval's signature horse session. When first explained it is deceivingly simple. Participants are in groups of two, each group has a Miraval guide. Each person is to pick up a horse's front hoof, back hoof, groom and lead the horse. When you work with animals there are no guarantees, but I have probably picked up a horse's hoof 20,000 times in my lifetime. I could not fathom the difficulty I would have with this task.

Lesson Learned: In my meager defense, there is now a different way of picking up a horse's hoof than what I learned. Learning something new is always a challenge. When I could not do it well, I said to my guide, what am I doing wrong? He asked, why do you assume it is you? Their belief is that an individual is responsible for 100% of half of the relationship. From the guide's perspective I was taking 100%. I don't buy in completely to being 50% innocent. I do think we need to ask ourselves as professionals, as business owners, as parents or children or dog owners, what was our part of the success or failure? I guess we just don't need to take all responsibility. Do you take too much or too little responsibility?

3. Common Ground

Participants at my HorseTalk usually find that in the afternoon the time spent in the Round Pen one-on-one with a horse is the most valuable time of the day. Miraval calls their work in a Round Pen, Common Ground. There is a small group of people; each one spends ten minutes in the Round Pen with one of their personnel. Without a halter or lead line the participant's goal is to have the horse walk and trot on command.

Lesson Learned: I felt good about this exercise. I did have a surprise. When I asked the horse to walk I lowered my whip, slowed my gait, and asked. It took about ten steps more than I expected. The other participants did not notice, but I did. What it meant was that while I said walk, and thought my visual was communicating to slow down, I still communicated an urgency that the horse picked up on. Which tells me that when I communicate with humans I have to be more careful that my vocal, visual and verbal are all congruent. How about you?

4. One on One

Just about anything I learned in life, I learned from one-on-one learning or I make group learning as one-on-one as possible. This is why I still sit in the front row of any speaker or seminar to make the experience as individualized as possible. I learned riding and computers through one-on-one teaching. Everyone learns differently. I admire those that can learn in a group atmosphere and correctly apply what they need to implement. Coaching is for people like me that benefit from individualized learning.

Lesson Learned: I chose two riding sessions at Miraval. One was one-on-one and one was in a small group. I had no idea what I might learn in the one-on-one but was open to learning. As it turns out I had a few aha moments. The group ride I hated. In retrospect I should have known. Riding single file through the desert with no one-on-one was useless to me. When I was in Djerba and rode by myself on the beach, that was different. I didn't expect any external learning other than through the horse. Do you know how you learn?

5. Bonus Lesson

Common Ground produced another, probably, the most memorable experience. I tell coaching clients that we can learn as much by observing others as by turning the mirror on ourselves. This was an excellent example of the power of observing others. Elvis the horse walked or trotted slowly for the first six participants. Then the last participant entered the Round Pen. We will refer to her as Sally, a New Jersey 50 year old woman. The second Sally walked into the pen, Elvis whirled around the pen, bucking, kicking, snorting and running with his ears pinned back. This went on for ten minutes.

Lesson Learned: The horse whisperer's continually probed Sally for the reasons for Elvis's 180 degree change in his behavior. Horses identify inauthentic and feelings covered up. An individual is responsible for 100% of their HALF of the relationship. Sally blamed the wind, other horses, and dinnertime for the horse's reaction. She never looked inside. She never looked at her 50% of the relationship. We six participants were shocked by Sally's denial. It was as though someone had turned a switch on the horse and Sally took no responsibility for turning that switch. Are you attuned or oblivious?

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Some of you may know that I refer to communication as a wheel with many spokes. It is not as simple as someone is effective at communication or ineffective. Most people are effective at some spokes and less effective at other spokes. When you run for POTUS you need to be effective at all of the spokes. In fact when you run for anything you need to be effective at all the spokes. In fact whatever you do you want to be effective at as many spokes as possible.

Trump was not effective in the interview he did with Chris Matthews. Ben Carson tried to defend him by saying he wasn't prepared for the question. REALLY! Is Putin or ISES going to send POTUS talking points before they call or bomb? It is your job to be prepared in advance of opportunity or challenge, to be effective on as many spokes of the communication wheel as possible. Are you working on the spokes that you need to master?