Like racing’s Triple Crown, the Oscars are supposed to be the third jewel of the awards season. The Golden Globes, the Screen Actor’s Guild, and then the Oscars. I plan Oscar Sunday so I can start watching the Red Carpet hours before it actually starts.
Here I am disappointed again. Bored and disappointed. I don’t think these are the reactions that Hollywood and The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences were going for in their collective choices.
My first problem started way before the actual Oscar show. Hollywood revolted at the idea of giving some awards during commercials to shorten the length of the show.
It’s a LONG show, get over it. Why try to shorten a show that is on only one night a year? It is going to be long – so what? Harry Potter is long – every single one of the seven original novels is long – and no one seems to complain. Because the seven books are not BORING. Really Hollywood, who cares if you are long as long as you don’t commit the amateur sin of being boring.
I wait a year for the red carpet. How a celebrity with access to every designer in the world can still look bad, I have no idea. This year you had the unbelievably great like Angela Bassett, Lady GaGa, JLo and Jennifer Hudson. Then you had the unbelievably bad like Maya Rudolph, Bette Midler and Glenn Close.
I don’t even know what to say about Billy Porter in his velvet tux corset gown.
I miss Cher in what she called her bad taste clothes. I miss Bjork and her swan dress.
If I see one more actress in pepto bismol pink I will need pepto bismol.
I wait for the speeches. I will sit through 20 boring speeches if just one can be memorable: open with a wow, close with a thought provoking note. Give me Roberto Benigni as he walked down the arm rests of the seats to get to the stage. I would even settle for the guy who thanked his dog walker and dry cleaners. Give me something original.
So I languish half way into the year’s most boring night. One line, ONE, has been memorable so far: a period should end a sentence not a girl’s education”. If Hollywood and the most creative people in the world can be boring, I get a pass now and then too.